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1:1 with Your Manager: Templates and Questions I Use

A practical playbook for making your 1:1s actually useful — with a repeatable template, categorized questions, and tips for bringing up hard topics like compensation and burnout.

Soft SkillsCareer GrowthCommunicationLeadership
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1:1 with Your Manager: Templates and Questions I Use

Your 1:1 is the one recurring meeting where you can talk about things that do not belong in standups, retros, or project syncs — career growth, feedback, frustrations, and the stuff you cannot say in a group setting.

Most engineers underutilize it. They show up unprepared, recap ticket progress for 25 minutes, and leave wondering why the meeting felt pointless.

This is my playbook for making 1:1s actually useful.

The Mindset Shift

This is your meeting, not your manager's. You own the agenda. You drive the conversation. If you wait for your manager to lead, you will talk about what matters to them, not what matters to you. Aim for the 70/30 rule — you should be talking 70% of the time.

Common Mistakes

Treating it as a status update. That is what standup is for. Status updates waste your scarce private time with your manager.

Showing up without preparation. No agenda means your manager defaults to "So, how's it going?" and you get a shallow conversation. Most engineers who complain their 1:1s are useless prepare nothing.

Only raising problems, never solutions. Bringing problems is good. Bringing problems with a proposed solution is senior-level thinking.

Avoiding hard topics. Compensation, promotion timeline, burnout, disagreements — these are exactly what 1:1s are for. If you only discuss safe topics, you are underutilizing the meeting.

Never asking for feedback. "What's one thing I could do better?" surfaces blind spots. Most managers will not volunteer critical feedback unless you ask directly.

My 1:1 Template

I keep a shared doc with my manager (Google Docs or Notion) in reverse-chronological order. Both of us add topics throughout the week as they come up. Before each meeting, I spend 5–10 minutes reviewing it.

For a 30-minute meeting, I pick 3 topics max from these sections:

1. Action Items from Last Time (2–3 min)

Review what was committed. Close or carry forward. This creates accountability on both sides.

2. Wins (3–5 min)

What I shipped, learned, or am proud of. This combats negativity bias and feeds my brag document for performance reviews.

3. Challenges / Blockers (5–10 min)

What is slowing me down — with a proposed solution, not just the problem.

"The API team has not reviewed our integration PR in two weeks. I have pinged them twice. Can you escalate with their lead?"

4. Career / Growth (5–10 min)

I rotate through these week by week:

  • Skills I want to build
  • Promotion progress and gaps
  • Upcoming projects that could stretch me
  • Feedback on recent work

5. Feedback Exchange (3–5 min)

This goes both ways. I give feedback to my manager too — what is working, what could be better.

"The async decision-making process you introduced last month has been really effective. I would love to see us use it for infrastructure decisions too."

Questions I Keep Coming Back To

About My Performance

  • "What is one thing I could improve right now that would have the biggest impact?"
  • "Can you give me specific feedback on [recent project]?"
  • "Are there areas where I am falling short that we have not discussed?"
  • "Have you noticed any patterns or blind spots in my work?"

About Career Growth

  • "What would it take for me to get to the next level?"
  • "What skills should I focus on to advance here?"
  • "Are there upcoming projects that would stretch me in the right direction?"
  • "Can we build a promotion packet together so I know exactly where I stand?"

About the Team and Org

  • "What is the biggest risk the team faces right now?"
  • "What changes do you anticipate in our department?"
  • "How does my current work connect to the team's top priorities?"

About My Manager's Perspective

  • "What keeps you up at night?"
  • "What would you do differently if you were in my position?"
  • "Is there anything you wish I communicated more frequently?"

Trust Builders

  • "How can I make your job easier?"
  • "How are YOU doing?" (managers rarely get asked this)
  • "What communication style works best for you?"

For Difficult Moments

  • "What can you tell me about what is happening, and what can you not share yet?"
  • "How should I think about this change in terms of my role?"
  • "I am hearing anxiety on the team — what message would you want me to amplify?"

How to Bring Up Hard Topics

Compensation

Do not ambush. Give a heads-up: "I would like to discuss compensation in our next 1:1." Come with data — market rates, recent contributions, expanded scope.

Frame it collaboratively:

"I am excited about the work I am doing. I would like to discuss how my compensation can reflect the scope I have taken on."

If the answer is "not now," ask: "What would need to happen for it to change? What is the timeline?"

Promotion

Ask for explicit criteria: "What concrete results do I need to show?" Keep asking until the answer is unambiguous. Then suggest co-creating a promotion document that tracks where you meet the bar and where gaps remain.

Burnout

Prepare before raising it. Document symptoms and root causes over a week or two. Use "I" statements with business impact:

"I have noticed I am struggling to maintain quality across multiple high-priority projects simultaneously. Can we discuss adjusting timelines or scope?"

Come with proposed solutions — adjusted deadlines, delegation, temporary scope reduction.

Wanting to Change Teams

Frame around growth, not escape:

"I am interested in [area] and think I could contribute more there. What would an internal move look like?"

Ask your manager to be an ally rather than treating it as a secret.

Disagreements with Direction

Lead with curiosity:

"Help me understand the reasoning behind [decision]. I have a different perspective I would like to share."

Present your alternative with data. Accept that you may not change the outcome, but you have been heard.

What Your Manager Wishes You Would Do

From conversations with engineering managers and published guides:

  • Own the agenda. Come prepared. Drive the conversation.
  • Maintain a win log. Track accomplishments continuously — it helps both 1:1s and performance reviews.
  • Talk about career, not just tasks. Managers want to help you grow, but they need you to articulate what growth means to you.
  • Give feedback upward. Managers get very little honest feedback. It is a gift.
  • Raise concerns early. Small issues discussed early are easy fixes. Festering issues become crises.
  • Follow through. If you agree to an action item, do it. Nothing builds trust faster.

The Shared Doc

Keep one persistent document, reverse-chronological. Both parties add topics throughout the week. This removes the "I forgot what I wanted to discuss" problem.

A simple format:

## 2026-04-19

### Topics
- [Engineer] Feedback on system design review
- [Manager] Q2 goals alignment

### Notes
- ...

### Action Items
- [ ] @engineer: Draft RFC for caching layer (by Apr 25)
- [ ] @manager: Connect with Platform team re: shared infra

Start every meeting by reviewing last week's action items. End every meeting by writing new ones. Post them to Slack afterward as an accountability nudge.

Key Takeaways

  • The 1:1 is your meeting. Own the agenda, prepare topics, and drive the conversation.
  • Use a repeatable template: action items, wins, challenges, career/growth, feedback exchange.
  • Ask specific questions — not "how am I doing?" but "what is one thing I could improve that would have the biggest impact?"
  • Do not avoid hard topics. Compensation, promotion, burnout — these are exactly what 1:1s are for. Give a heads-up, come with data, frame collaboratively.
  • Keep a shared doc that both you and your manager update throughout the week. Review action items at the start, write new ones at the end.